Unheard Of
by EmoSunshine
Summary: "You should have seen your face. My dead grandfather nearly pissed his pants!" Sasuke snorted at that. Naruto had always been one for the theatrics. Pointless Crack


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

**Author's Note**: This is shameless crack. The best type of crack there is. This is intended to be silly and overdramatic. Flames away!

**Unheard Of**

By EmoSunshine

Fear chilled every bone in his body, locking them in place painfully with its intensity.

That same fear etched hard lines into the tanned face as a light sheen of sweat sprung from his forehead in his efforts to squash the emotion. He knew that he had to be cautious of his reactions; the beasts smelt fear, their sharp eyes tracing his every movement.

_Sakura,_ he thought desperately, hoping that the female would come to his rescue. Alas, she had called earlier, saying that she was not going to be in school today. Something about her grandmother dying from a terminal illness. Old people died all the time! What made this one so special?

They circled the perimeter, a multitude of them waiting with bated breaths, their fangs and claws bared as they assumed crouched positions, waiting for the right moment to pounce. His muscles tensed in anticipation.

Carefully surveying the circle and looking for a break in their wall, he feigned nonchalance, allowing his posture to resemble one of relaxed boredom. His charade worked, one of the females soon becoming distracted by some random male passing by. Never one to waste an opportunity, he acted.

His lithe form took flight as he hopped over the girl's head, landing nimbly on his feet. Without further hesitation, he took off, sprinting down the corridor with a speed that would have made a champion track star jealous. He silently thanked Iruka for forcing him to take High Jump and Track & Field throughout junior high.

Iruka had given him a proper tongue-lashing when he had suggested "exotic" dancing as an after-school activity. The man had locked him in his room, without food or _ramen_—cruel and unnecessary punishment—until he had a 'change of heart.' The rapidly purpling bruise on his head proved to be that extra 'umft' though.

And Iruka's boyfriend, Kakashi, the ever supportive bastard. . . Well, he did what any other bastard would do in that situation. He laughed. Cackled really.

He would have easily made an excellent entertainer though. 'Exotic dancing' was the one profession—among the numerous occupations that Naruto had considered that were far below what normal people deemed 'acceptable'—that he had put some real effort into. On second thought, he would have been phenomenal, being more flexible than half the girls in the school, a fact that most girls envied, and a fact that was the bona fide reason—along with his pretty feminine features—behind his personal group of fanboys.

Banking a sharp corner, his eyes widened as a gift from the gods came into view. A small smirk eased its way onto his face at the prospect of yet another getaway appeared. He was certain that the girls were still on the chase if rapid alternating clacking and clicking sounds of their footfalls were any indication. How anyone could run in heels was beyond him. Maybe experience? Prostitution couldn't be that dangerous, could it?

He shook his head, blond locks falling into sparkling, sapphire irises at the movement. A few dreamy sighs reached his ears, and he cringed. They were gaining on him. Naruto sped to the figure, its silhouette becoming clearer and clearer until Sasuke Uchiha's tall, muscular form became visible.

Truly a gift from the gods. Perfect in every aspect, but he would not be spared. With great power comes great responsibility. Sasuke's powers being his looks and intellect, and his responsibility being whatever Naruto had in store for him.

The blond glided past Sasuke and spun around quickly, momentarily 'losing' his balance, before a light—ok. . . it was hard—push sent the disoriented man hurdling into the ravenous horde of females. As he predicted, the Uchiha was promptly mauled, stripped, and quite frankly, molested on the spot, but Naruto felt no remorse, only truly happy that he hadn't succumbed to the same fate.

Echoes of dark promises screamed from incredible black eyes, but his face remained devoid of outward emotion, the perfect Uchiha mask, as the assault of his body continued. Even his shoes were taken.

A sound of triumph bubbled from her throat, the girl bouncing on her toes as she took strong victory whiffs from her prize. It was a careless mistake. Just then, another female tackled her, claiming the shoes as her own, Charles Darwin's theory at its best.

Naruto watched, confused. He knew that it would probably be wise to make his escape now, but his eyes were glued to the scene. It was oddly amusing. That or Naruto had a sadistic sense of humor. Go figure.

Still, he wasn't one to push his luck, and a man only wore so many clothes. They would be done with Sasuke in a while, and by that time, he would be safely in homeroom, preferably tucked under the safety of Kakashi's desk. He could camp out there until the coast was clear, or until his stomach declared that he was hungry. Whichever one came first.

Naruto jogged away, remembering how he always dreamt of girls chasing him like this. Loving him. Fawning over him. But he wanted them to like him for _him_. Not because of his newly acclaimed status. His head hung low, bangs obscuring his bright eyes. A scowl tipped his lips, acknowledging the women for what they truthfully were. Devious, blood-sucking bitches.

"Watch your mouth," a bored voice drawled. Oops, had he said that out loud? Apparently he had.

"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly, locking the door behind him before he hustled to the back of the class, trying desperately to become one with the corner.

"The girls again." It was a statement, not a question.

He nodded numbly, horrified that he'd been found so easily when an insistent pounding jarred the door. The beasts were upon him. The terror only intensified when Kakashi opened the door. Fucking opened the door. Practically inviting the foul monsters into the classroom.

His heart was beating a mile a minute. Instinctively, he pressed his back against the wall, his body prepared to flee.

The hype was needless, and the rapidly fluttering organ settled in his chest as the Uchiha's barely battered form stomped its way into the room. Despite his recent calm, when obsidian orbs, bright with fury, met his, having the girls here didn't seem so bad.

"Now, now Sasuke. Play nice. I'll be back." Kakashi said, the clicking sound of the door closing reverberating off the walls. That bastard wasn't coming back. He didn't even say soon. Soon implied Naruto meant that Kakashi would be back in four hours max, giving them enough time to smell the blood before the scent became stale. The detectives would at least have a shred of hope finding his mangled body.

But then again, Sasuke was an Uchiha. And with that came the power to do unspeakable and unfathomable things. How Naruto hated genetics. Some people had all the luck. So no, his body wouldn't be found.

"Hn." Came the trademarked reply. Sasuke turned to lock the door, but his eyes never left the squirming blond.

Naruto almost begged for Kakashi's return. _Almost_. He was Naruto Uzumaki. He backed down from no man!

_But if Sasuke insists on glaring like that, and what the hell? Oh my mother-loving cranberry sauce did his eyes just turn red? God, kill me now. Wait, no. . . one more bowl of ramen please._

The blond was seriously considering throwing himself out the window. Anything to avoid the brutal ass-whooping that the Uchiha would dish out. Contrary to the plans and strategic escapes that he'd formulated, he was unable to move. Frozen, as the raven ascended towards him with a grace unbeknown to a lesser form of human.

The tattered clothes that he sported would have made anyone else look like an imbecile, street urchin, hobo and any other acceptable colloquial vernacular that adequately depicted 'trash.' But the way that the torn pieces of fabric hung from chiseled arms, the way that the shredded cashmere sweater gave teasing views of a taut chest and abs. . . breathing became obsolete.

A pale hand rose, and Naruto flinched away, turning his head off to the side and wary of the blow that would come, but the hand landed on his jaw, descending slowly until it held his chin in a gentle grip. He was stunned, his jaw hanging loose from shock. The hand dragged his face forward until cerulean clashed with black.

Naruto blinked, and suddenly, the pale face mere inches away. He sealed his lids tightly shut, unsure of what the taller male planned to do, but knew that he wouldn't be able to control the urge to press his lips against the soft ones before him. The Uchiha's moist breath fanned blond hairs on his nape as the strong, calloused hands traveled the expanse of his neck, a trail of fire blazing in its wake.

"I want to hurt you." The low voice growled directly into his ear. And looking into those cold, dark eyes, he knew that Sasuke had spoken nothing but the truth. Frighteningly so. In spite of this, the rough rumbling sound sent delicious shivers along his spine, and the hands, still hot against his skin, turned blistering.

Naruto's thought processes rambled on incoherently, seemingly intent on listening to the alluring voice, not the words just the voice. Seconds passed, and he realized that the voice was still talking so he made a valiant attempt to focus.

"…but I want you more," the silken voiced murmure, and when Sasuke's tongue traced the shell of Naruto's ear. . . he was lost yet again. He could practically hear the smirk in Sasuke's voice.

Bastard.

The hands came up, finding purchase in golden silk as the older boy's voice continued to hypnotize him. The Uchiha's voice, no longer husked was softer now, like a caress.

"I'm sorry, S'uke." He whispered, his breath hitting the raven's cheek. "You know how much those girls scare me."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted.

Sasuke tilted Naruto's head to the side, latching onto the smaller man's pulse point and sucking harshly. Mewls, whimpers, groans, and moans trickled from Naruto's lips, warm and succulent like honey. Sasuke wanted nothing more than to shove his tongue into the other's mouth and steal those sounds.

But, this now was not the time. He had business to attend to.

When the sweet torture stopped, Naruto knew that whatever Sasuke was going to say to him was important. Still, his eyes played traitor to his will, staring at the handsome face. Darkened sapphire took in the piercing onyx orbs engraved into the pale face, an artistic nose only found on marble statues carved by the minds of the greatest Greek artists, perfect cheekbones defined without being harsh, the most delectable pale pink lips that he had ever seen and declared Sasuke a porcelain beauty.

Naruto wanted to capture those soft pink lips with his own. He wanted to nibble, suck, and bite them until they were swollen and red and—he knew that Sasuke wouldn't humor him right now. Charcoal eyes glinted briefly, reminding him that serious matters were afoot.

Right, no fun time.

"Stop ogling dobe," Sasuke quipped, a dark smirk coloring his words.

He took the tanned hands into his own, obsidian irises intensifying almost instantly. "When are you going to tell them?"

The blond blinked, confused, and tilted his head to the side, silken blond hairs falling gently across his forehead. One word could describe the look. Adorable. Cute even. And the raven steadfastly refused to think that a mind with an intellect such as his, had even conjured those words. Honestly, an Uchiha, using the word 'cute?' Unheard of.

Sasuke, reaching up, brushed the blond strands out of clear blue eyes. "When are you going to tell those females,"—the thought of those women dragging a sneer to his lips before the mask slipped back into place—"that you are mine?" He clarified, the possessive edge to his voice able to cut steel.

For as long as he could remember, Sasuke had been always infatuated with the blond. A silent shield drifting in the shadows that protected Naruto from all things that could bring harm to him. Dark corners, precariously placed objects, sharp items, potential suitors. . . His eyes tightened at the last bit, a grim line twisting his lips further confusing the already befuddled blond.

"I don't like to share," He pressed, running his hands idly up jean clad thighs. He downright abhorred sharing. Preschool had taught him nothing of the concept. A light squeeze emphasized his point, and a lazy smirk fought its way onto his face as the Naruto's eyes dilated at the action.

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak once more, but stopped mid-sentence when he realized that he felt tired. So, _so_ tired. He had used too many words in one day. The strain of the overexertion caused a vicious stabbing behind his retinas. The imperceptible slump in his shoulder, in any case, was additional evidence that hinted his suffering. Monosyllabled words were all that he could manage from now on.

Unconsciously, long, pale fingers reached up to iron out the crease of frustration in his forehead. And like a switch, Naruto's gently brushed Sasuke's fingers away, soothing the Uchiha's burden.

Naruto looked into the midnight pools and saw contentment and something else swirling in their depths. Pale lids

shrouded the dark orbs, and a lovesick sigh fought its way through Naruto's lips. He would berate himself later. Sighing like some lovesick girl over Stupid Sasuke. However, the crouching man didn't seem to mind or notice because he remained immobile, ass if he was truly carved of stone. His face was gentle and serene but the expressions only made the masculine features softer.

More beautiful. God-like.

Satisfied, he straightened, leaving his hand on Sasuke's neck. Tanned fingers lovingly caressed the wisps of black hair that curled around a pale ear, and then, the dark eyes reopened, capturing Naruto's gaze as those charcoal orbs entranced him, enticed him, dragged him in.

"I did tell them," He admitted finally, looking away. "They don't listen," he added, shrugging as if the notion didn't bother him when it clearly did.

Two dark, manicured brows furrowed for a second before the handsome mug morphed into a sinister, bordering evil expression. The telltale sound of screeching reached his ears, and he looked up to find Naruto practically clawing at the walls. One sinfully dark brow rose in question.

"What the hell was that, bastard?" Naruto shrieked, panic making his voice higher.

The brow inched higher.

"You should have seen your face. My dead grandfather nearly pissed his pants!" Sasuke snorted at that. Naruto had always been one for the theatrics.

"I have a plan."

This time, a wheat-colored brow rose. Sasuke waited a few seconds and then ever-so-slowly the younger man's lips tilted into a smirk that could have rivaled any Uchihas' as reckoning dawned on him.

"Sounds like fun."

A group of people was coming around the corner and judging by the conversation that they were having, Naruto suspected that they were girls. What, with the gossip and all. Men just didn't do that.

Most men anyway. . .

He waved his hand, and Sasuke emerged from a dark corner. The plan was simple. All they had to do was kiss. A simple peck on the lips, and the girls who witnessed the scene would spread the news. It was fool proof, and as Naruto mulled over the plan, he thought that it was nothing short of genius.

Now, Sasuke on the other hand, had no intentions of keeping it simple—add air quotes here. Far from it. Naruto assumed that the plan would play out as he hoped, but Sasuke had every intention of making sure that no one would ever think about Naruto without a 'Sasuke will kill you if you even go there you soon to be half-dead cretin' coming to their mind shortly after.

As the girls neared, Naruto placed his hands on the taller man's forearms. A sensuous shudder languidly raked his spine when Sasuke pressed the entire length of his body intimately into his, his back colliding with the wall harder than he had expected. Not that he minded.

He looked up into those dark eyes, and his breath caught. Those eyes were needy, demanding, and raw with possessiveness so deep that it could drown fishes clouded them, and true to the picture that his eyes had depicted, Sasuke claimed his lips in a passionate, searing kiss, hot hands trailing his sides. Sasuke ran his tongue over teeth and gums coaxing the other's tongue to play with his as he tasted the sweetness that could only be defined as Naruto.

He captured that plump bottom lip between his teeth and pulled slightly, drawing a low guttural moan from Naruto and eliciting collective gasps from the group of females who had just stumbled upon the pair.

Some of the girls were angered. How could Sasuke be doing this to their Naruto and vice versa?

Some of the girls were shocked. How could this have happened without them knowing?

Some of the girls were angered again. Where were the video cameras when you needed them?

Through his daze, Naruto vaguely registered that_ simple_ had been blown out of the water, but when Sasuke tongue touched his, he forgot everything. Tanned fingers delved into blue-black hair, pulling that hot mouth closer to his and forcing the Uchiha's tongue back into his mouth. And as he took control of the kiss, he slowed the pace considerably.

Although the pace was no longer frenzied, the heat escalated. Tanned arms wounded themselves about the Uchiha's neck and pulled their bodies impossibly closer. His body was scorching as Naruto's tongue stroke his languidly, the wet muscle curling around his and sucking on it with fervor. The kiss turned devouring, and Naruto, like a starved man at a feast, swallowed the groans, and moans that threatened to escape Sasuke's throat, stealing the remaining air in the man's lung. But hey, who needed air? Not him. Sasuke was in heaven. That is. . .

Until Naruto pulled back.

In all cases, Uchihas were geniuses, but at that moment, Sasuke's IQ matched that of a squashed avocado, and it showed.

Naruto stifled a laughed and his lips tipped into a bright smile before he licked the paler lips playfully.

"Motherfucker," Sasuke cursed.

Growling, he attempted to seize the younger man's lips once more. Naruto, still trapped in the Uchiha's arms, could only turn his face to the side so that lips met cheek. He shook his head, the smile still in place, and looked up into the irritated face. Why the hell was Naruto stopping all the good stuff?

"I think we've made our point." He said, gesturing to the right with his chin.

Onyx orbs, reluctant to relinquish their gaze on the swollen pink lips that made the shorter man look completely edible, gazed to the right and relished the victory that swept through him at the sight. Although he had not expected to see most of them scattered on the floor due to blood loss via nosebleed, he wasn't bothered by it. However, the blinding flashes told him that they were taking pictures, and Sasuke didn't do pictures.

Naruto, on the other hand, posed for said pictures, pressing a kiss to the underside of jaw and giving it a teasing nip and winking at the camera before he withdrew.

Last vestiges of his control shattered, he hoisted the blond male over his shoulder and proceeded to walk down to the student parking lot, heedless of Naruto's indignant squawking and thrashing.

"Where are you taking him?" one girl called, fanning her unconscious friend.

Sasuke sent a mouth-watering smirk over his shoulder and called back. "To my house to have several hours of hot man sex with little Naruto here."

Naruto's face turned a surprising shade of red as he renewed his struggle tenfold. And heady with the visual, the remaining girls fell to the floor.

Author's Note: I really don't know what the hell that was. I need more than three hours of sleep a night. Review?


End file.
